No Girls Allowed
A couple dudes talking about the things that really matter in life
No Girls Allowed
No Girls Allowed Ep 2
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All right guys, welcome to episode two of No Girls Allowed. Um, you know, we're we're trying to stay consistent with this whole pod thing. It's harder than you'd think. You know, week one, episode one, you're really just like, bro, we should start a podcast. And then week two, you're like, mmm, feels like a it's a lot. A little fucked, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would say also starting with a huge guest. I mean, huge for us, yeah. Is is quite the way to start, and then you go episode two and training wheels are off.
SPEAKER_01Just back to us. Um, and we didn't even pull up the TV this time. We're just ripping it. We don't have clips for you guys. Um, this is just gonna be raw, authentic. I think we should get into some of the personal life stuff.
SPEAKER_03Um it's a bad time for that. The clips faded super fast. I feel like we didn't take any time to really immediately like we're throwing away the whole structure of the show.
SPEAKER_01People will appreciate it eventually, but you know, again, it's just consistency at first. Um, you know, we've gotta find our flow. You've guys, you guys have gotta find our flow.
SPEAKER_03You guys gotta find us. Yeah, we've gotta find ourselves to be honest right now. This is a big big time on finding ourselves right now.
SPEAKER_01It's a uh speaking of finding himself, Eli is uh he's LARPing as a blue-collar worker right now. Um, if you guys follow him on Instagram, you're gonna see a lot of that. It's just he's out at the property, he's hopping on the four-wheeler, hopping on the tractor. Anytime his fucking boots touch a machine, he's gotta pull out Instagram, throw up a snap.
SPEAKER_03Point five it.
SPEAKER_01Point five it really immerse them.
SPEAKER_03No, it looks so good, dude. I I had taken one today, and there was it was between two. I had my hand up on the wheel for a second. Look super aesthetic, super cute.
SPEAKER_01Show off the forearm.
SPEAKER_03Didn't do it. I was like, that is a little too much. Too much.
SPEAKER_01Do you like like grip it a little tight, make some bands pop up?
SPEAKER_03I'm just subtle. Just subtle. I'm like, I don't even need, I'm just I'm used to this. I'm I'm not like scared, I'm chilling.
SPEAKER_01Like, I wear these boots a lot, all the time.
SPEAKER_03No, actually, I'm gonna have I kind of fucked them up. I'm a little upset about it. I do I had a thought today though. I was going into one of the various stores that your dad sends me on in like day-to-day. I mean, he's got me going in fucking hydraulic hose stations, anywhere and everywhere, all types of shit. Just dumb ass shit. Not really dumb, but just dumb. Sorry, Sean. Sorry, Sean. No, not it's not dumb, but it's like I'm I don't belong here. I feel like every time I walk into one of these shops wearing those boots, they're like, Are you cosplaying? Yeah, what's going on? It's like they can smell it on me. There was a dude, I went to a lawn care place to get these these blades sharpened today. And dude pops around the corner. He's he's got on new balances, he doesn't even have on like the look, right? But I just felt like he was looking at me like, you're not you're not one.
SPEAKER_01You're not one.
SPEAKER_03And it also hurts having to hop in a Camry right outside. So they're they're watching me walk in, I'm covered in dirt, you know, I got boots on, and then they see me hop in the 2012 Camry.
SPEAKER_01Your your bumper's kind of fucked up right now, though, which might help your case. Like, maybe that's his that's like his working girlfriend or something.
SPEAKER_03Like that's his trucks in the shop. Maybe he's driving around his baby mama's car. It's just it's a fuck situation. But uh there is a little bit of shame, but it's also nice too. I really actually enjoy going in there. It's there's something about like that like just down south mountain town vibe that's just everyone's so friendly, so nice.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, people are ready to look you in the eye.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, there's always one grumpy fucking old dude. All of these shops I go in, there's one grumpy old dude in the corner. I don't know what's going on. I don't know whether or not they can help them or don't ask them. Yeah, it's it's bad, but but no, it's nice. It's nice. I uh wrote a tractor for eight hours today, which was which was nice. I don't know what I'm doing half the fucking time.
SPEAKER_00I'm just kind of guessing, but I I my collar's blue, but my neck is red.
SPEAKER_03That goes through my head a couple times. Um, but no, it's it's cool. I just hit a cool like 10 day dreams, and before I know it, it's five o'clock.
SPEAKER_01You're done.
SPEAKER_03I'm done.
SPEAKER_01You romanticize killing yourself like seven or eight times, and then that's a that's a wrap on the day.
SPEAKER_03More than that. More than that. Um it's like a combination between like, oh my god, if I die, like what is that gonna look like? What it what is all the sadness after?
SPEAKER_01God, just don't let them find me mangled under the tracks.
SPEAKER_03Literally, it's between like that or the other half is me like fantasizing about either being in the UFC and coming out to my entrance and what's my entrance song gonna be? That whole build-up, who's walking out there with me, or I'm a relief or closing pitcher and I'm walking out. What's my walkout song?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03I I kind of have I'm I'm down to like one or two. One of them's Metallica, Seeking Destroy. Okay, and it it'd be pretty great.
SPEAKER_01I feel what weight class are you fighting at in the UFC reach-wise, you're gonna have to you're gonna have to get down to 135. He's also, I'm pretty sure, an Olympic gold medalist.
SPEAKER_03He's like a banner weight, yeah. But I fight in those weight classes that like people don't really give a fuck about too much, yeah, unless you're just like 70 and oh.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, you you gotta get down to 135 for sure.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but you know, even if I can be Henry Sahudo, I don't even really want to fight. I just want to walk out and do the entrance thing.
SPEAKER_01Let me do the intro. Jake Gyllenhaal got to do that for the movie. That's all I want to do. Fake the entrance. We can build up to that point. Like, if we get the production to that level, that's that's literally all I want to do. I'm sorry, how does this scene fit into the movie you guys are shooting? Just trust me on this one.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. No, but yeah, that's kind of the the fantasy. Um, while I'm just fucking tractoring about, but it's chill. I've been having a fear lately of getting that tick disease where you're allergic to red meat.
SPEAKER_01Super unprofessional, guys. That is on me. Goodness gracious. Yeah, I I have been seeing a lot of people talk about that tick disease right now. Um, Bill Gates for sure on some fuck shit, owns a lot of the impossible meat factories. Um, God, I don't want to come back to the conspiracies every episode, but it's like you guys are forcing our hand.
SPEAKER_03Well, they've been dropping the the moose and shit, like there's dead animals everywhere, and they're just covered in thousands of ticks. I don't know if you've been seeing the videos.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I've seen some, I've seen like farmers reporting these little silver metallic boxes are dropped on their property, and like that's where these ticks are coming from. And people are saying somebody, Bill Gates, is trying to spread it essentially.
SPEAKER_03I would murder him if I could never have a burger again.
SPEAKER_01It might help me maintain weight a little bit better.
SPEAKER_03I did think about that too. I was like, if I'm only eating chicken and fish, I'm probably gonna be fucking.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna be ripped. I'm gonna be ripped. It's there's pros and cons to everything. I want to be able to eat red meat, but if I can't, I'm gonna be so even that steak I had today.
SPEAKER_03I'm just like, holy shit.
SPEAKER_01All three bites.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so there is one thing I really do want to talk about. I I keep forgetting we can't edit stuff out. I'm so used to being able to edit stuff out on content that uh, you know, I'll say something, fuck it up, and I'll be like, all right, just reset. But somebody's just driving in their car right now, going, this fucking guy. But uh no, there is something I really have been wanting to talk about. It's been a very popular convo for us on Fortnite recently. People walking into stores close to closing time, specifically restaurants and companies in the food industry. There's a little bit of a difference in opinion. And look, I get both sides, okay? And you know, little old me, I just worked at Zaxby's in the kitchen for a couple months at 16. I'm not Eli. Eli was a he was a head of the industry, ran, you know, ballpark concession operations, you know, top to bottom. So he he's got a little bit more skin in the game. But look, here's how I feel. If your closing time is 9 p.m., don't bitch and complain if I walk in at 8.45, okay? Now I get it. You're sitting there thinking, oh, well, you're an asshole. All the people working there are for sure going, oh, this fucking guy walked in before closing. They are. Change the fucking time. Change it. If you don't want to seat people at 8 45, then you should have, hey, we stop seating people at 8 30, our doors close at 9 o'clock. And then I know, hey, I have to get there before this time. But don't say you're open until 9. And then I walk in there. I mean, sit-down restaurants a little different, but God forbid I walk into fucking Scoops Clarksville to get a goddamn milkshake at 8 55 and you look at me like I just stabbed your fucking daughter in front of your face. Okay?
SPEAKER_03I mean, one, I think a bug just landed on my head. Yeah. It's been a real problem lately, I'm not gonna lie.
SPEAKER_01You're wearing a bucket hat. What are you fucking talking about?
SPEAKER_03For that reason. Anyways, I wholeheartedly disagree. If these employees, first of all, it's obvious I stand on the other side. If these employees could choose to change the time, they fucking would. They're in the trenches, they're with the war, they're they're serving the front lines, and they have no choice in when they get to go home. And if you want to look at this from the bigger picture, it's just like the Jews running the wars, they're not on the front lines. These people want the war to end. They don't, they don't give a fuck. And that is that's how I look at it because I think it's ridiculous, dude.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I get it. I get what you're saying with that. It's management, it's the owners who are looking to squeeze out a few extra bucks. But if they did, if the owners did change it from say 9 p.m. to 8 p.m., the workers would still be fucking cock bags if you came in at 7.45.
SPEAKER_03It's a slippery slope. And it's also very like dependent on what you're doing. I think if you go to a sit-down sit-down restaurant is the top tier of your fucking dick bag. Okay. If it's 8 45 and they close at 9, that kitchen's already cleaned up. They they have like minimal shit. Right. They've got desserts still out.
SPEAKER_01I think that's somewhat fair.
SPEAKER_03It's fucking ridiculous. That is like they are gonna come in your food. Okay, especially if you go to a shittier establishment. They're they're gonna do something. The movie Waiting, that's a great movie. That's a great example. But if you go to a Zaxby's, that it depends. I think if you go at if it's 11, it's if they close at 11, I'm high as dick. If they close at 11 and it's 1045, I think you're fine. It's Zaxby's. If you go within 10 minutes, fuck you.
SPEAKER_01Speaking of Zaxby's, I've talked about this on my TikTok before. When I was 16, worked at Zaxby's for a couple months, we were in the kitchen, a car pulls up to the drive-thru and says, at 10.03, hey, I've been in the drive-thru since 9.50. It's not my fault. You guys were running slow. I want to get my food. And our manager, obviously, is like, hey, that's fine. One of the other cooks in the back, oh my god, it's burned into my brain. I have PTSD from this. He takes his hand, just uh, he takes his hand, sticks it down in his pants, wipes from his butthole through his gooch, up the back of his balls. And this is like a full shift worth of nut sweat, just gooch sweat, all up in his hand, puts it on his toast, uh huh, wipes it all right across, feeds it to him. And I think the part that haunts me is that I said nothing. I did nothing, and I let him serve that toast. And so eat gooch toast for probably a decade now. Ugh, every time I go to a fast food restaurant and I order, and every time I go to a fast food restaurant and I pull up five, six minutes before they close, that's just in my brain. I'm eating gooch toast.
SPEAKER_03No, and that's why I won't do it. I would rather not eat it than do that just because I know how it is. It's fucking awful. Especially on like a weekend where you were busy as fuck all day. All you want to do is go home. It's it's one of the worst things you could possibly do to someone. Excuse me, I was in line before you guys closed. Once you're on the other side of it, I feel like it has to be, it should be a mandatory thing that people work at least at least one customer service job in their life, so they have to deal with that. I also worked at that Zach Speed's front of house, pretty boys up front. They they uh they needed my charm. That was a wild job. I think I worked there for like maybe a month and a half.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we didn't we didn't last very long.
SPEAKER_03I think I told someone that my someone in my family died.
SPEAKER_01I feel like to get a weekend for I feel like you've used a family death to get out of so many work days, and like you'd think it would stop at Zaxby's at 16. This man used this for his professional career at 27 years old two months ago.
SPEAKER_03Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't say anybody died. I had real stuff going on. I had real stuff going on.
SPEAKER_02Did you not want me to dox you like?
SPEAKER_03I had real stuff going on. That is true.
SPEAKER_02He did have real stuff going on, but it wasn't.
SPEAKER_03Well, I didn't say anybody died, but I have used that in my life before, unfortunately. And uh yeah, no, I I don't remember, but anyways, to back to the point of Zaxby's, yeah. No, it was I I was there for like a month and a half. It was crazy. I got I got shots handed to me um 4th of July over the Zaxby's counter. What the fuck? Yeah, dude. There was that one girl who she would always try to cover her neck tattoo and she did it so terrible. So terrible, super tragic. Terrible. And then she would have her 700-pound boyfriend come up every night and he was eating like probably 20 nibblers.
SPEAKER_01Um I don't know, just like she would like stick her face in the little the little cook window and she'd look through like like as if we were organizing a fucking bank heist every single time. Uh hey, so he's he's coming in. If you could just like bitch, I'm eating back here all day long while I'm working. Nobody gives a fuck.
SPEAKER_03He just put toast on his gooch. Yeah. He doesn't give a shit if your boyfriend wants 20 tenders, dude. As long as you don't make me sweat more, we're fine.
SPEAKER_01I uh I got fed alcohol on 4th of July one time while I was at work. We were working at Lake Lanier Islands. We were uh we were dock hands, you know. Somebody pulls up in their super rich boat, you know, we're just little peasants. We tie them up, we pray to God for a one through five dollar tip. They never give it. Fuck you guys, by the way. But on 4th of July, it's packed out there. And this fucking older Asian guy pulls up, invites me onto his boat. I'm not gonna lie, it felt very sexual. There was like a crowd of people. No, no, no. I think he was trying to fuck me because there was like a group of people. So at first, we're at the end of the dock, he kind of invites me on. I go on the the main floor of his his boat, and there's like a little wall, like a little screen. I feel safe. I take a little shot, we're all laughing, and I'm like, you know, I'm 17. Is should I be here? I might have been 18 by then, but it's like still, this is illegal. What's going on? And then I told him, I was like, I do have like my weed vape with me if you want to hit this. And he's expecting like the penjamin that you can just take two puffs, be off your fucking face. The oven? This was the little oven vape. For those of you guys who have ever had a true weed vape, you preheat it, it bakes the weed in there. It's more like a breathing treatment. You have to sit there and puff on it for 20 minutes. It was a very mid-tier high, but again, for a guy like me, that's what I need. I didn't I don't always want to be off my face. Um, but yeah, so CBD. It was better than that, but you you did have to stay consistent. It wasn't a one or two puff guy. You gotta sit there and puff on that guy for 20 minutes. I totally forgot about that. But uh, I tell him I've got it. He's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. Sorry, Nikki, I don't want to do the accent too hard. Um two for two on racist accents in two episodes. But we go down into his boat and the crowd didn't follow us. It was just me and this like 50-year-old Asian guy who's dressed very homosexual.
SPEAKER_03You just waiting on this thing to Yeah, I'm like waiting on it to pre-heat.
SPEAKER_01It takes about five, so yeah, yeah. We're having awkward conversations. He's looking over at me. Like, I let him hit it, and he's kind of doing what everybody does the first time you let him hit it. They take one or two puffs, nothing really comes out, and they're like looking at you like, Am I hitting it right? And then, like, after a couple minutes, I start getting high, I start getting uncomfortable, he starts getting uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_03He's probably fucking you in his head.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, and like that's gonna figure out like how to it's like when I came on the boat and I took the shot. At first, I felt like this is awesome. I'm 17, 18, I'm at work, 4th of July, fireworks going off. This old Asian dude's giving me alcohol. As I start getting high, I start looking around going, Oh, am I gonna get molested in this boat right now? He didn't though. He didn't. He didn't.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I mean, yeah, this would be a crazy time to confess that, but I mean, if you uh if you want. No, I also worked there and quit on 4th of July. I did not show up that day. That is why I got fired. Oh. I did not show up on 4th of July, but also it's like, fuck you. Why am I? I'm not gonna work on 4th of July. I didn't even want the job. I just got the job because all of you guys got it. Yeah, everybody. And I was like, well, what am I gonna do?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what am I gonna do all summer?
SPEAKER_03It was cool. I I think the highlight of that, like the craziest thing that happened to me while I worked there is I watched like two chicks make out, and that was like it. That was really the extent of it.
SPEAKER_01But that's pretty sick though.
SPEAKER_03I for some reason could not get the concept of how to fucking tie it up. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_01Just something about the knots wasn't your forte.
SPEAKER_03I don't know what it was. I don't know. I did I mean, you know.
SPEAKER_01You're more of a land mammal, more of a tree.
SPEAKER_03But it was shitty. I remember I would just kind of fucking, you know, freestyle it. Like just fucking.
SPEAKER_01I mean thing is, it is kind of hard to fuck it up. If you just really throw a bunch, were you were they coming loose on you?
SPEAKER_03I don't even remember how I did it. I I just remember always being like, fuck it, it'll it'll stick. Like if I can just rope this up enough, it'll stay. I do remember a couple like dads being like looking at me like, uh, what's going on?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, the ones that are real boaters that that are out there a lot, they they'll kind of stare at you.
SPEAKER_03Some of them are just like, hey, I'm just gonna do it myself. Yeah, and I'm like, all right, dude, we'll catch it. I mean, if I still throw me a dollar, though. Yeah, I'm still throwing it. Throw me a dollar, it's heavy on tips. It's like eight dollars an hour or something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's where you made all your money. And you know, for a lake that had so many nice boats and so many rich white people, you didn't get the tips you thought you should have.
SPEAKER_03And this was still cash carrying days. Yeah, yeah. We're talking like a decade ago.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was back before the the Israeli government was really trying to get rid of all the cash so that they could take in a stronghold.
SPEAKER_03Back when Nikki was like in fifth grade.
SPEAKER_01Oh, guys, guys, we're so we're prepping for a really big tournament right now. The WBC. Well, it's really gonna turn into the WRC, the World Race Ball Classic, where it's a baseball tournament organized by race. Because you know, they do the the world baseball classic and they do it by nationality. Nobody wants to see that shit, okay? Because you got dudes like Lars Newtbar playing for fucking Team Japan. Hey, buddy, you look white, okay? You look white as fuck. You got Jazz Chisholm playing for Great Britain. What the fuck are we doing, Jazz? Okay, you're not you're not affiliated with them at all. The the rules are so loose. So I want to give the people what they really want to see. You know, we're not defining you by the country you're from, your ancestors are from, or the content of your character. We're defining you by what really matters, and that's the color of your skin. So we've been organizing this tournament. I'm not even gonna lie, I forgot. What were we even talking about?
SPEAKER_03Am I high? I don't know. I am though, because for a second I was staring at the dog food and I was like, I was like, oh yeah, we're doing this. Um, but no, yeah, I mean, I think it's gonna be a good tourney. I think that everything's gonna it's gonna be, I think it's gonna blow, dude.
SPEAKER_01Oh, dude, it's gonna be yes, in a good way. No, but what were we just talking about? You what did you say right before that that led me to that?
SPEAKER_03No, you just broke we were talking about docking boats. Rich white dads at the lake who, and then you just started talking WBC, and then Nikki showed me some sleut on.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, dude, that might have been what distracted me. I'm like trying to hit my angle with the camera and I look down. Oh my god, Nikki was in fifth grade. Thank you. Back to that. So, anyways, we're organizing the WBC. I've been making custom jerseys so that we look a fish, you know what I'm saying? Gotta be on our Mr. Beast shit. And I'm asking all the boys, hey, what are some funny jersey numbers we can throw on the back of these guys? You know, most of them are just gonna be zero, one, two, three, but I want to have a few specialty items, you know, like my jersey is gonna be 1776, you know, the year that America was created because it's a white man's country. Never forget that. Um, speaking of never forget, we also did a 9-11 jersey. Um, I wish we had them, them sand arabs in here. I don't know. No, yeah, that's they they have sand over there. That's not a slur. Um felt but anyways, yeah, it felt like close to a slur. Um, but I made a jersey for the black team that says three-fifths. And Nikki looks at me and says, What's 3.5? First of all, that's a de that that's a decimal. Okay. This is a fraction on the jersey. Um, second of all, where did you go to fucking school that you don't know how three-fifths relates to black people? So again, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm like, oh, the three-fifths compromise.
SPEAKER_03And he's like, I just feel like you don't even like have to like have really been that great at school to know that. I feel like that's like the first five years. That's like somewhere in in like in there, I feel like you learn.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I feel like that's more of a live in America and hear black people bitch about it enough. You know, well like I'd probably be pretty pissed too if you know I was three fifths of a vote, but like none of you guys were.
SPEAKER_03You know, yeah, I I think I think education, I feel like post and it's not even like we're like that many years off, but like education. has dropped off the map.
SPEAKER_01Post COVID.
SPEAKER_03I feel like post-COVID kids are retarded.
SPEAKER_01And that's what he blamed it on. He was like, yeah, that was my junior or senior year with you.
SPEAKER_03I mean, first of all, you learned that way before high school, but I just feel like if I would have been in in COVID high school, I probably would have just fucking dropped out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03Because the online school sucks, dude. I probably either would have cheated hard. Just cheat your way cheated hard as fuck. Or yeah, I wouldn't have taken the social rejection of not going not graduating.
SPEAKER_01But yeah.
SPEAKER_03It's more of, I mean, you know, some of our other friends definitely would have been fucked. But yeah, it's tough, dude. I mean I I I didn't do great. I mean I I graduated with like a 2.6.
SPEAKER_01Um have tried though. Yeah but yeah Eli's a big one of those guys that's like dude like yeah if I would have tried in school though like I could have easily it's true though. It's what everybody hits you with the test in everybody hits you with the super good yeah but I test super well.
SPEAKER_03It is true though but it there did come a point though in school where I stopped I I remember like being always being like yeah I test super good though. And then I took a test and I was like no that's not true anymore. Not even that part is true. This is not like a oh I can like just take I that's not right that's not right. I can't do that anymore when I'm looking at five different numbers in a triangle over here that has fucking four letters on it. I failed like three math classes. That was like the only thing I really failed.
SPEAKER_01No math was the one that came easy to me.
SPEAKER_03Big history and literature guy.
SPEAKER_01See and I was the opposite like I can write a good story now. I I came around on it history you know I started diving in for the conspiracies like not looking at any one particular race that's like majorly influenced history. Yeah. But uh no I was usually more of a math guy you know like figuring out how many pizzas you could bake in four ovens over yeah my uh my first major was uh journalism so your first major in college okay yeah how'd that go I went for two months two months okay so and then I go I went wait I don't have to go to this like nobody's making it making me do this yeah I think I'm just gonna chill dude yeah and I'm pretty sure when you dropped out you didn't tell your parents for like two months and you kept leaving the house pretending you were going to classes my mom one day were you like sneaking back in through your window after you left one day my mom was like you haven't been going to school have you and I was like no she's like you dropped all your classes I was like yeah and I was like I'm I I don't want to go dude that's tough my brother did the exact same thing made it less than a semester it's just like I remember literally the first day showing up I had terrible anxiety about going for some reason.
SPEAKER_03I kept shitting myself everywhere not like really shitting myself but I had to take like four shits I felt like I was gonna puke all day and I remember the first class sitting there going what the fuck am I doing here I was I feel like as kids you're like preached like you gotta go to school you gotta go to school especially if you come from a family who didn't go to school everyone's like you gotta fucking get a degree and then you get told that your whole life and then you go and all of a sudden you're like wait I made it I'm here the fuck am I doing this shit's gay. I don't even know what I want to do. Do I really want to be a writer? No probably not sounds steezy but it's like not really financially steezy. Did you want to be a writer or was it kind of in the same vein with you carrying around a Stephen Hawking book it was that yeah yeah I was I'd carried around Stephen Hawking book in high school um just to try to get pushed just to try to get chicks like same book for an entire semester too where like at first it's a big book yeah at first it was probably like a whoa he's deep he reads that stuff and then by the third month they're like all right guys I remember this one chick I had a crush on was like yeah I love uh first of all you said Stephen Hawking by the way what is it that's the motherfucker Stephen Hawking's the dude in the wheelchair yeah no I wasn't reading that I was reading that's another conspiracy he's not fucking real god what was his name something Steven Knight or Hawking something something something it was one of those artsy dark fiction guys yeah but I had a bad book and I remember she was like oh I love him and I was like oh for real and then I got it from the library didn't even check it out right just put it in my book bag put it in my book bag because I owed money or something so I was like I can't why did you owe money to the fucking high school library I don't remember I think I like didn't have a textbook from a year before I don't know something I I was smoking a lot of weed in high school but I just like put it in my book bag and then just like yeah walked out I still have it I think I think I still have it at yeah I have seen it I've seen it around yeah he actually started doing the same thing he walks around my house with the book trying to pick up my wife or something like that just like looking over she was like oh what's that book about dude what's his name it's pissing me off I don't know Hawk or Steve or it's I think it's the dude that's like super lib now and like hates Trump. Oh well that's super fucking disgusting well no if you were like he he's like big into all that fucking I can't remember his name what time is it dude where are we at?
SPEAKER_01How long is it 35 minutes 35 minutes dude you know guys and I just want to say anybody that's actually listening to this thanks man thanks for sticking thanks for sticking through this this is there's a lot of learning happening right now.
SPEAKER_03This is only up two you know yeah training wheels came off laser can yap Eli said about eight words the entire first episode so like yeah I had I don't even I was one so for geeked just fucking and then two it's tough with three people especially if it's not someone that like you really know or or like I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Yes well also laser's not leaving a lot of empty space you know yeah so it was one of those where I especially at the end you guys were kind of in a flow state and I was like all right I'm just gonna let y'all heavy on the conspiracies and that's I want to stay away from it and we already fucking did it in this episode I'm trying not to talk about the Jews.
SPEAKER_03Benjamin Netanyahu I have no beef with you guys I don't want to be involved okay my socials are already fucking struggling I'm already poor okay don't do anything please for the love of fucking God we're chill okay um in other news kind of related LeBron just got kicked out of the playoffs what I haven't really been watching the NBA too much but I've been following Lucy I'm just wondering when he's gonna hang it up wait like knocked out or kicked out like knocked out oh okay they would never kick him out yeah I was about to say this their gold someone they'd be like uh we'll wait till it's we'll see if it's really true like we need to check but no yeah he he's out I'm just wondering like if this is gonna I mean it's not gonna be his last year. I think he's trying to play with both sons. Really?
SPEAKER_01Prob probably I mean how old's the next one he's already at Arizona he's his freshman year this past year but I don't think he's gonna declare I don't think he played that much but I just I hate him dude I can't stand yeah I can't stand him I've heard one of the conspiracies of why he's still playing is because it's like uh you know whenever you join the Illuminati or the system you have to give up one of your children so you look at D Wade he's got the trans kid um Michael Jordan his dad died you know everybody has to sacrifice somebody in their close personal life and what I've heard is that when he retires they're gonna want to take one of his kids and so he's just like I'm gonna stick it out. I mean Kobe I've heard that's some I've heard mixed reports about Kobe like he didn't want to give up his daughter and that's why he they killed both of them. I've also heard he was about to try to expose some shit but that's what I think a big part of it is is usually how it goes he knows they're gonna take one of his kids and so he's just like I got to fucking play forever.
SPEAKER_03Yeah I mean he probably could play another five years honestly yeah now does he want to I don't know I mean given that maybe but I don't know I'm just sick of fucking seeing him ever since he he 2013 2014 2015 around there crushed the Hawks in the Eastern Conference uh finals two years in a row at that point I was still a big NBA fan and that just took it to the point of like fuck you dude I hope you fucking I thought you were gonna go down the like super lib political activist route but that just because he's no like I think he's just a douche dude I think he's just a douche like I don't even care about anything else I I mean all the athletes a lot of the big time athletes are all China yeah they become talking heads at a certain point you know but he is just such a bitch dude I love when Stephen A goes in on his ass I love yeah I love he's just like dude he's the biggest fucking uh he he he's the biggest guy when it comes to like articulating a narrative and shit like that and like I think like Kendrick Perkins or some shit was like super close with him was like on the 2003 McDonald's all American team with him like got drafted around the same time played in the league at the same time was in a circle Kendrick Perkins is like critical of him one time and then he cuts him off forever. What I just don't think he's one of those guys who can take like criticism or anything which is crazy for being the greatest athlete of all time you know like you gotta be able to fucking take it a little bit you don't think he's the greatest just athlete I think of our lifetime yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure of our lifetime you know I just like I've I've never seen a physical I mean he's a specimen like I will say there was a point where I did love LeBron like twenty twelve and fourteen when he was on the heat or whenever that was dude those were some of the fucking craziest basketball games I've ever seen in my life yeah he's sick just those were those were great terrible human in my opinion yeah I just don't like him like personally he's super annoying oh dude like black people are so fucking we we get treated so bad in America you guys should buy my clothes that are you know used Chinese children's slave labor yeah yeah I don't know I I'm just not a not a huge fan I just feel like maybe post retirement he'll get cooler I don't know some of these athletes post retirement get way cooler yeah they do Tom Brady Tom Brady I used to hate him I love him now yeah well I think that's also again the Falcons and the Super like you're such a watch bro I mean all their energy goes into one thing and that's what makes them great and then as soon as they can let go of that they typically have to find themselves again you know most athletes you get to that level you've given everything to this you probably didn't develop much of a personality well Tom Brady's sick though too I mean to to be who he is now after literally losing his wife to her jujitsu trainer they have a child now like he's he's handled it all very well he had he had his own roast which we just watched the fucking Kevin Hart roast yeah which saw I actually saw a crystal a bit today that was actually so funny where he was sitting there going yeah what's it gonna be in 2035? Are we just gonna fucking shoot somebody and then like there we go because it really is getting a little crazy.
SPEAKER_01Then talking about what's her name Cheryl that black chick with the afro they're just going in on her husband that killed himself like there were seven jokes about that.
SPEAKER_03Well not even that like even like the Chelsea handler shit where they're like Chelsea's scientist like all right well we're just coming at each other yeah we're just naming stuff now the political shit though I don't know I just wish that a lot of that shit would stay out of the comedy yeah they they can't help themselves keep it you get on that platform and it's just like I gotta say something.
SPEAKER_01Yeah yeah no you gotta keep it peachy dude I'd rather keep it keep it comedic and and chill hey if you're listening to this podcast check your tongue posture right now where's your tongue at? Because we're talking so you're not is that tongue pressed firmly to the roof of your mouth you've got a little suction vacuum are youwing right now because at the end of the day that's causing a lot of health problems in America okay you need to open up your airways you need to be mewing sharpen your jawline improve your facial structure and if you're under 18 for the love of God take this seriously because your bones aren't set yet okay and I did that's from the bottom of my heart that's not even for the bit I I mean that my uh sometimes I sit here and I wonder what Clav would rate me and I don't think I genuinely don't think you want Clive to rate me.
SPEAKER_03He rated uh Mike Logan Paul's co-host and he was like honestly you're uh he was so fucking matter of fact about it 3.65 out of out of ten and he goes why a 3.65 out of ten he was like well you're he said something like he's so like he's like whatever he's like your eyes are a bit too close together and you you kind of have a a wide midsection to yourself he's like now your SMV which is your uh fuck dude it's like your your sexual uh monetary value or something like that something I don't think it's monetary but it's something yeah and he's like but that is very high that is good I feel like both of those for me terrible I have no money you're just hoping that you can write off the face and I don't think I can especially yeah lately I I've gained six pounds yep yep I'm hitting little Caesars after this so that's not gonna help.
SPEAKER_01I know and that's the problem is it just keeps coming at me but it's all right that's that's 27 and up man yeah this it's tough life tough life but no I saw some of those clips I saw one where Logan's asking Clav like something about if if you could lose your hair or lose your dick which one he was like I'd rather my dick never work again than lose my hair because like you know if I lose my hair then where's my and it's like what the f they're like okay but if you have your hair and you can get chicks you know what's for for me it's like what's the end goal for him I feel like aging is going to be tough for him I think he's gonna he's gonna be on some Brian Johnson figure out the cure to all of it. Uh yeah he's young he's Brian Johnson get easy the anti-aging guy he's he's gonna be on all the supplements and also clab's rich now that's the thing is you get rich you can look good for my whole thing with him though at the same time is like for somebody who's so into like their body like he was putting so much bullshit in it too at the same time he's aesthetic he's not he's not wholesome natural no he is I want to look good and so there is a factor to that that over the course of time that many substances is gonna you know start to age you sometimes he looks unhealthy though yeah but that's why he's on the GHK probably the NAD a lot all the peptides all the supplements and then again once you get rich enough the adrenochrome the whatever no for sure I don't think he's on that yet but like I can see him though I could speak of Logan Paul what's up with the hair dude you're you're 35 what's going on yeah the hair let it go I saw that clip that was one of the clips I had saved it's like it's like the shaggy still in the city I just wonder like if he's trying to grow it out but if you're trying to grow it out just middle part it at some point you got to just middle part or just slick it back. I well I wonder about the hairline because like you know Jake's got the same where he's got the textured fringe he's so rich though he could just go to fucking well he could but the he might just be like yeah I'm not because that's a procedure where you got to be out of the public eye doing the treatment for an extended period of time before you can come back out. He's doing the WWE shit he's doing whatever you know but it's just come on can we get an adult haircut you know yeah I don't know I I feel like I'm I'm probably gonna be a little bit more graceful with mine.
SPEAKER_03I feel like if I lose my hair I'm just shaving it. Yeah just let it go.
SPEAKER_01Like I'm already starting to it's already starting to creep back right here. What's it called?
SPEAKER_03Widow's peak?
SPEAKER_01Um no it's called uh traction alopecia it's when you lose hair from continually doing this and like that's what happens with dudes like Jake Paul. They just always touch it like that. Yeah I know well well that's the other thing is I know the direction my hair goes in now. It was from years of playing baseball taking off my hat pushing my hair back pushing it back. So as long as I kind of go this way and then I'm a little gentle on the comeback. Yeah yeah yeah I'm chill um but at the same time I I'm a pretty firm believer in like as long as you stay in really good shape you can go bald yeah you can be bald as long as you're fucking ripped yeah if you're bald and you're fat yeah you better be rich and have a great beard.
SPEAKER_03You're penguin yeah penguin yeah you're basically penguin if if if that's the case yeah it's it's tough.
SPEAKER_01I sorry to go off topic here I I'm trying to think of how I want to phrase this I want to be delicate because I have some friends I think if you hide your like count on Instagram you're a faggot I think that it's like and who are you doing it for who are you hiding your like count for oh well you know I I've got a hundred thousand followers and I popped off back in the day but now I'm only getting 150 likes per post. I need to hide it hey if you hide your like count on Instagram I'm gonna go ahead and assume you don't get any likes okay it at least if you just leave it out in the open we can say hey things aren't going great right now but if you hide it I'm already assuming it's not I do feel like it's an indication of like you're not getting a lot of likes but at the same time there is a real thing to if people see that you're not getting a lot of likes they're less likely to like it. Yes absolutely if I see something and it's got like I'll laugh at videos sometimes like it see that it's only got 20 likes and be like nah fuck you.
SPEAKER_03That's what I'm saying dude that's what I'm saying and that's a real fucking thing I was listening to someone today actually talk about uh how like companies are going in like people are paying companies to go in and add more views and shit just so they get more clicks.
SPEAKER_01Like even though like you know YouTube can see it on the back end they're not gonna pay you out yeah yeah yeah but it's getting real no socially speaking and that's the same idea like with botting streams like people are always accusing guys like Neon of botting their streams and everything because you see a stream oh he's got 5000 live viewers I've got to tune in so I I get the practical element I'm just talking about my friends and family and people that I know have 10 to 3000 followers on Instagram and they hide their like count hey bro just just eat a dick sometimes you eat a dick yeah sometimes I post and I get 300 likes and you just I'm gonna eat that dick with a smile on my face bro yeah I'm not gonna hide it from you I'm not gonna like go off in the corner and eat a dick secretly I'm gonna eat that dick in front of everybody.
SPEAKER_03I mean not to change subjects but to change subjects the streaming thing I I just don't get I still don't get I've never watched a streamer viewer as everything. I just would not from both sides like I get it the money thing but like God to have your entire life just constantly on camera constantly on camera I like I feel like the older I get the more I'm just like I want nobody to be involved in my personal life.
SPEAKER_01Yep I don't want disappear into the mountains yeah that's what I'm saying I just the more I step into life the more I'm like let me just disappear off the face of the earth yeah I I think I get streaming as a creator for the money and I think for a period of time like Clav that's one thing I've heard with him is that uh he's already trying to take that next step out of it. He's trying to sign people promote them build their audiences and then eventually yeah yeah yeah and I mean that's kind of the same thing with me with the Burnout Boys brand is eventually I want to build these brands step out of it I mean they're just blowing up the chat um step out of it and then eventually I don't have to be that guy with my entire life in front of the camera. So I get that from a a creator standpoint what I hate is the viewers what are you doing? What do you do if you watch a neon stream if you actually sit down and watch a neon stream you're gay you're a loser bro what are you doing with your life that you have to sit there and watch this little Indian femboy twink go do fake pranks hang out with OnlyFans chicks what are we doing?
SPEAKER_03Yeah I'm just I just don't get it I get the the only thing I get is the financial part from the streamers but other than that like I mean everyone has their own thing but I just could never we're doing this whole thing Nikki loves watching video game streamers you know which I will say video games is different I will say that like performance based performance but I'm talking about just people who just go live their life it's like brother why don't you go dude Clab is in downtown Miami right now and he just absolutely frame bugged this guy. Like I don't even like like I I don't even like seeing those clips like I'll enjoy like a clav clip where he's like doing that show where he's like you're a 3.56 but like just like clips of them going out I'm always just like what are you what are we watching?
SPEAKER_01Yeah and at the store I just went to the store like I don't want to be a hypocrite I do love the clips though I I am a fan of the clips some of them it it can't be all of them no no no no it gets to because again what are we we're streaming for three to five hours a day five days a week I don't know what their schedules are like but I know it's it's extensive. I get why he's on meth to be honest like I mean when when we have a 10 hour shoot I have to take Adderall sometimes and that's like you know diet meth.
SPEAKER_03The the thing that gets me is like just their lives just it almost stresses me out. It's almost like there it's so hectic. It's like it makes me think of myself and that I mean I feel like personally I fuck up way too much in my life to ever have everything documented.
SPEAKER_01Always always yeah that's I mean I say the wrong shit I do the wrong shit you know with YouTube at least I can go back and like delete stuff. That's you know again we already mentioned it one of the fears with the podcasting is it's like kind of hard to cut some of that out. We're just gonna let it rip you still can here and there's no I would say the N word for sure that's like I have had because we're we're content creators because we have the cameras because we have the following I have had dozens Of fellow creators reach out to me, bro. You should get into streaming. Bro, you'd be perfect for streaming. I would say the N-word. Within a week. Within a week, you'd catch me and I would just slip up. And I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry to any of my black audience that wasn't already aware that I'm gonna be doing that when the cameras are off. You know, if you were foolish enough to believe. Um, but I just I don't want to put it out there. I'm not gonna intentionally put it out there.
SPEAKER_03I also think you'd hate it. I think you'd hate streaming.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, just always guys, chat, chat. What are we thinking, chat? You know, yeah. It's it's very extended. I got a wife, I got kids. I'm looking to film three days a month, chop it up, send it to my little Asian boy, have him actually do all the editing, and just live my life, you know, make poor business decisions, spend money irresponsibly. That's what I'm here to do.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, facts. Where are we at?
SPEAKER_01We're we're at an hour, I think. Eli's just itching to get off the street. No, I'm not.
SPEAKER_03I just feel like we've we've been here. Who Little Caesars? I'm just yeah, I am reading the reading the hungry. I've been up since like 6.20 this morning.
SPEAKER_00Big blue collar guy.
SPEAKER_03I got up super early today. I had to go to the tractor store first thing this morning, place an order. That's real. Hell yeah.
SPEAKER_00Hell yeah, Bo. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I I I feel like this is cool to cosplay, but like a lifetime of this, I no, terrible, terrible.
SPEAKER_01No, that's the thing, is it's like you really look at the longevity of certain career career fields, and it's absolutely unbelievable. And my two are professional baseball player and blue-collar worker, because it's like pro baseball player, you're a position player, you're playing minimum 140 games a year. You know, some of those guys like to play all 160, and you know, maybe that's not the best comparison because they're getting paid tens of millions of dollars. But blue-collar worker, waking up every day, dude. I gotta wake up at 7 a.m. once a month for a big shoot, and I'm a bitch.
SPEAKER_03For for me, it's like I don't if I'm gonna be a blue-collar worker, I'm going to own the business. Yeah, I'm not going to be the worker in the business.
SPEAKER_01I'm the guy in the truck.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because that is when you're making fat money.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but you usually gotta build up to that. That's the thing. I think that's I mean, that's also how to do it. I was gonna say, that's kind of also like saying, you know, generally speaking, you were just like, Yeah, I'd love to just like own the business and run it and make all the money and not have to do the work.
SPEAKER_03I'd love to just fly the plane and not have to go to school for it.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah, he keeps bringing that up. My brother and dad are both pilots, and Eli all the time. It's just like, so it's like a family business, right? Like they can just like bring me to work.
SPEAKER_03I'm thinking like stepbrothers, where he's like, you know, like, Dad, we're doctors, and he's like, I'm a doctor. He's like, it's a family business.
SPEAKER_01Literally the same thing. Throw on the suit and tie, just show up, just show up.
SPEAKER_03I'll co-pilot.
SPEAKER_01It's really not that hard to fly a plane. The the entire, you know, education system is built around what happens when things go wrong. Which, like, you know, to be fair, when you're flying a jet 600 miles an hour, I'd like you to know if you're my pilot. But you could be the vibes guy.
SPEAKER_03That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01My dad, put my brother up front.
SPEAKER_03I'll flirt with all the the flight attendants.
SPEAKER_01Uh, one of my dad's favorite flight attendants is a very fruity gay man. So that's his favorite for real? Dude, he said he's actually like super chill.
SPEAKER_03I feel like your dad gets a real kick out of that relationship because he probably has never had anything like that in his life.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think also, oh god, it's like, do I want to be homophobic or misogynistic? You know, it's kind of a catch-22 here. But no, your sister's gonna hate you. Yeah, no, I think part, yeah, because she's listening to this. Um, no, I think it's probably working around some of the female flight attendants who are slightly incompetent, where I hear him complain about some of the mishaps. Yeah, and he's just like, I mean, this guy might suck a little cock, but at least he's a guy.
SPEAKER_03He knows what he's doing and he's crushing it. He's gonna do his job. He does a great job.
SPEAKER_01I'm okay. I'm actually worried, guys. Please don't dox my family. I feel like I feel like I probably shouldn't have brought any of this.
SPEAKER_03We can cut this last part out after we talked about uh ending it anyways. I mean, I didn't say anybody's names. No, it's all good. Nobody's listening. All right, guys. That was episode two.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, dude. We came in soft. Uh, we found a flow a little bit in the middle. You know, there was a point in time where I straight up was like, fuck it, dude. Let's just we need to record a sode. We need to be consistent, we need to get this out. Who cares if we're prepared? Let's not even bring out the TV to do clips, let's not have a structure ready. Uh, that was a mistake for sure. Um, you know, it took us a while to find our flow, but I promise we're gonna be back. We're gonna give you two sods a month, we're gonna be more prepared. And uh learning curves, man. Growing pains. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03Haven't felt those in a long time.
SPEAKER_01Uh, quote of the day. Anybody?
SPEAKER_03Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, forgive me, a sinner.
SPEAKER_01Nikki wants me to talk about our trophy, which you guys cannot see unless you're subscribed to our exclusive Patreon. Um, for only one dollar a month, you can get access to every single video we've ever posted on there. That is the only way to watch the full video version of our podcast. Everything else is just gonna be audio only or clips. But if you uh if you are a sub on the Patreon right now, shout out to the main wide cam. I'm pointing at you guys. Um, you're gonna see our trophy in seat three right here. Uh, Nikki, if you want to grab it and give them a close-up, it is our our brand new Burnout Cup. This is the future of the Burnout Boys brand. And uh on the nameplate, right in the front, we've got a custom engraving. The Burnout Boys for Eternal Glory. Fuck them to death. I mean, don't be shy. Get in the shot, dude. Put your face in there. Put that pretty little Asian face in there, guys. Nikki is part Vietnamese, part Cambodian. Um, I really like that because it's kind of the best of everything. He's Asian in the sense that he does great tech work, great video work, but he's also Asian in the sense of kind of like the jungle people where they're still athletic. So when we talk sports and play sports, he can do it all. You know what I'm saying? And then also his skin is just brown enough that when we say absolutely atrocious and racist things, I have a little bit more leeway to get away with it.
SPEAKER_03So, um Luke 636. Be merciful just as your father is merciful.
SPEAKER_01Mm-hmm. That's good. That's good.